Two Day Magazine

By: Kim Lyons

Have you ever dated someone and knew something was “off” but ignored those nagging little red flags? Then, before you knew it those little red flags turned into big red flags setting off major alarm bells? Well, the authors of The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags know all about that! Ladies, learn from their mistakes so you don’t have to make the same ones!

1) What exactly is a "serial monogamist?" Is there a reason you became one, or did it just sort of work out that way?

Natasha Burton: When we were creating our author bios, we each wanted to share a little bit about our romantic history and this was mine. A serial monogamist is a woman (or man) who goes from relationship to relationship, without really dating much. In my case, I've tried dating casually, I even tried to do the hook-up thing in college, but it never really worked out for me. I'm just the girlfriend type. And I've been a girlfriend pretty much since I was 18,  just not to the same guy. 

2) Obviously the three of you have enough shared experiences with "red flag" guys for some amusing anecdotes. Why did you decide to write the book together?

Julie Fishman: The three of us met in grad school and became quick friends, often bonding over past and current dating stories. Nearly every account ended with a "what was I thinking?" conclusion. Figuring other women had similar stories they'd share, we created the blog, that eventually lead to the book.

3) What are you hoping women take away from this book?

Natasha Burton: Our big thing is awareness. We're not asking women to break up with their boyfriends or stop dating until they find the perfect man (who doesn't exist, by the way). We just want women to be able to clearly see their romantic situations without making excuses for why they are dating a given guy. We're hoping that a woman who reads the flags in our book will recognize if, for example, her guy isn't really treating her like his girlfriend. And, instead of telling herself and others that "he's just busy at work" or "he'll change," that she will be able to see her situation for what it is and take that knowledge to create a relationship she wants to be in with a guy who will fulfill her needs.

4) Are you concerned at all that your book may be viewed as "male-bashing?" It seemed like you tried to keep the tone light and fun.

Meagan McCrary: We aren't too concerned by it. Our intention all along was never to hate on men, or for the book to be a bitch session. Instead we chose to focus on behavioral signs that indicate there may be a larger problem to come and to encourage women to be true to themselves, knowing what they need and what doesn't work for them in a relationship. It's not that the men who committed these red flags are horrible people (though sometimes that assumption is easy to make), we just want women to be aware of a man's intentions. For example, if a guy wants to be a total player that's his business, sleeping with multiple women doesn't make him a bad person. However, his behavior is a huge indication that you are never going to be his girlfriend. And, for the most part, we've found that those men who do accuse us of "guy bashing" are simply upset because they recognize their own behavior in the book. God forbid women be informed!

5) What other authors in the women's self-help genre do you like? Is there one book or author that you would say inspired or helped guide the "voice" in "Big Red Flags?"

Natasha Burton: We've read a bunch of advice books on love and dating (as the Relationships Editor forGlo.com, I read about three a week!), but our book's voice wasn't really derived from others. Actually, some of our inspiration, at least tone-wise and humor-wise, came from watching Seinfeld. And, when we were first starting the blog, Meagan and I were obsessed with girl-power anthems like Janet Jackson's "What Have You Done For Me Lately" and Beyonce's "Irreplaceable." While these songs weren't the basis of our blog or book, they have a certain spirit of empowerment that kept us focused.

6) What would the sequel to this book look like, if there was one?

Julie Fishman: We've actually started to gather material for a "men tell all" sequel that flips the red flag-scenario around and focuses on the flags that women commit, as told to us by men. The book won't tell women that they need to change, of course, but more explain how certain behaviors might come off or be interpreted by men.

7) Do you think sometimes it's OK for women to just learn from a "red flag" experience with a guy? Doesn't that help us know what we're *not* looking for, sometimes?

Meagan McCrary: Learning from experience is what dating is all about, heck we wouldn't have a book if we ourselves didn't ignore our fair share of red flags. My mom used to tell me that you have to date a number of men in order to find out what works for you and what doesn't. I also believe you have to have to learn howyou'd like to behave in a relationship. While some of my ex-boyfriends were walking red flags, I wasn't necessarily my best self either. It's in the looking back that we can evaluate when things went wrong and learn from our experiences. And yes, dating men with red flags is an excellent way of discovering what you don't want, it just depends how long a gal sticks around and whether or not her self esteem is suffering for the sake of experience.

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Purchase The Little Black Book of Big Red Flags HERE

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