Two Day Magazine

By: Mia Bencivenga

In my ever present quest for insanity within popular culture to comment on (it’s not a quest so much as I wake up every morning, turn on the news and go “oh, well that works”) I have come across a story that, surprisingly, gives me mixed feelings.

I am talking about a recent petition going around that calls for Sesame Street to have Bert and Ernie to come out as a gay couple, despite the fact that the creators of Sesame Street have repeatedly denied the fact that Bert and Ernie are nothing more than just good pals who happen to live together and wear matching sweaters.  

Gay rights activists say this will promote tolerance, by introducing very young children to a gay couple on television.  

I am down with that.  I can fully appreciate what they’re saying.  I mean, if Kermit and Miss Piggy are allowed to publicly be a couple, why should Bert and Ernie hide behind the closed doors of their basement level Sesame Street apartment, embracing only when the camera crew retires for the evening?  That’s not cool.  

At least, that’s what I’d say—if I was not versed in Muppet history—which, luckily for you, I am!

You see, my friends, the relationship between Bert and Ernie was based off of the real life friendship between the Muppet’s creator Jim Henson (Ernie) and Frank Oz (Bert).  They were not gay together, but rather very good buddies and Muppet pioneers.  

For Bert and Ernie to be gay—it just doesn’t make sense, not only from a writer’s standpoint, but from a child’s as well.

Despite the fact that their designs were based off of fruits (oh the irony; Bert was based off of an orange and Ernie based off of a banana) there is little actual evidence that there is any attraction between the two of them.  

Bert is obviously attracted to women, as seen in various episodes where he flirts with female guests on the show.  In fact, in one episode of Sesame Street, he even records a love song for a lady friend of his.  And, who knows what Ernie is into, considering his well-known rubber ducky fetish.  

Due to Sesame Street’s refusal to out Bert and Ernie, people have been quick use words like “homophobia” and “puppet love restrictors.”  

To those people, here is what I have to say.

First of all; pick your battles.  We’re talking Sesame Street here.  This show has always been progressive.  It’s a children’s show that takes place in an urban environment that has characters of all shapes and sizes living harmoniously together.  That’s all good stuff.  

Second of all; know what you’re talking about.  It’s pretty clear to anyone who watches the show that Bert and Ernie are not lovers.  They’re just the shows archetypal comedic male duo; they are opposites that drive each other crazy, they banter and make kids laugh.  

Third of all; just because Sesame Street denies that they are a couple, does not mean Sesame Street is “anti-gay.”  

You know what it means?  It means that they are not a couple; and for them to become a couple, that show would have to go against thirty years of plot.  And by doing that, the creators of Sesame Street would be bringing a whole lot of stupid adult controversy to a wonderful show for children.  

Can you imagine being four, and your mom turns off your favorite television show because of its conservative and or liberal bias?  What the hell do you care?!  You’re four!

Making mountains out of molehills does the pro-gay movement a great disservice.  They make themselves out to be witch-hunters, which only gives fodder to the movement rallying against them.

And, to be honest, if Bert and Ernie were gay, they shouldn’t have to announce it.  Miss Piggy and Kermit didn’t have to announce their relationship. In the eyes of a child, whose mind is like a blank slate, it really doesn’t matter.  It’s when adults tell you that it matters, that you start feeling confused, and in some cases, begin developing prejudices.

Sometimes, I wished we lived in a world more like the one Sesame Street envisions; where the grouch who lives in a trash can garners the same amount of love and respect as a freakishly tall yellow bird; where a soft voiced fluffy red being teaches children as much as a number-obsessed vampire.  

Until then, I suppose I’ll just relax and listen to the song “Rainbow Connection” and keep faith that the rest of the world will catch up.