Two Day Magazine

By: Mia Bencivenga

I, like many other children, was raised Catholic.

For those of you who are not familiar with exactly what that entails, please allow me to sum up our important sacraments.

Shortly after your birth, a priest dunks your head into holy water, thereby cleansing yourself of the “original sin” we are all born with, because Eve had a little bit of an attitude problem with God and went ahead and ate some forbidden fruit.  This is called “Baptism.” 

“Will you marry me?”

It is amazing as to how those four little words can change your life. Of course you want the scenario to be perfect. Of course you want your soon-to-be betrothed to remember that moment for the rest of their lives. But part of the excitement and the anticipation comes from planning that intimate, romantic moment yourself.

So why outsource it?

By: Mia Bencivenga

Marriage.  

In many cultures, it is considered to be a sacred sacrament, one that seemingly binds two people together for an eternity, so that they may worship, procreate, cohabitate, and even decorate as a single collaborative unit.  

Once married, you are in it for better and for worst, richer and poorer, in sickness and in health. You are expected to love your partner unconditionally; accept your partners flaws, even if that means tolerating their gaudy taste in silverware.  

Well, theoretically.

It’s never too late to start taking better care of yourself!

This is not a diet plan, I promise. There is nothing worse than perusing the internet, looking for motivation to start eating better, and all that is bombarding you are fad diets and reasons why you can’t lose weight. Well, fear not, dear readers. Here are some positive habits to pick up in 2012....and the side effect? Well, you may drop a few pounds, but more importantly, you will start to feel great!

By: Mia Bencivenga

Picture this, if you will…you’ve just divorced your wife of over six years.

And, oh the pain and the vulnerability you must be feeling! The excruciating shame that one can experience when something like a marriage fails! Especially considering it was your infidelity that may or may not have broken up the marriage... Ah, surely, these are emotions that almost any individual in this kind of a situation would feel.

Yes, the time it will take you to heal will most likely be extensive; you’ll probably need at least six months of Ben and Jerry’s good old fashion ice cream therapy to recuperate from what has proven to be an arduous, traumatizing process.

But maybe, just maybe, someday you will reemerge from all of this, stronger than ever. And perhaps, find the will to love again.

And of course, you want to be kind to your now ex-wife, whose life you shared for almost a decade, by being considerate when you do meet that special someone. Because after all, that’s just common decency…

By: Mia Bencivenga

These days, if I don’t see someone face-tweeting a picture of themselves drunkenly bent over a toilet and giving a peace sign to the camera in between dry-heaves, I consider it to be one of those rare “good days.”

Let me be frank: I intensely dislike Twitter. First and foremost, I never have anything to tweet about. When I do tweet, I attempt to be funny. I type something, hate it, delete it, and thus my profile looks as if it hasn’t been updated since late September.

And I REFUSE to tell people about the mundane activities of my life, no matter how unintentionally hilarious others may find them.

Some called Arunachalam Muruganantham a pervert, some called him psychotic, and others believed he was dabbling in black magic. But I think of him as a truly evolved man, a real feminist, someone who goes that extra mile to help the women in his life! In essence, it takes a real man to wear a maxi pad!

When we think of phone sex operators, we often want to envision young, pretty, single women who are just so eager to talk naughty on the other end of the line. What we don’t want to think about are “real-life” moms with kids who are taking these jobs because the rent was due, like, yesterday.

By: Mia Bencivenga

The time is now upon us.

Don your red Santa hat, down some eggnog, and feel free to yell “ho ho ho” with no legal repercussions!  Yes, at last, ‘tis that magical time of the year.

Let’s play a game. Can you pick out all of the disturbing quotes in Perry’s latest ad? Here are some of the fun things I was able to pick out...what did you notice?

This is a very interesting video. Watch Michele Bachmann as she tries to explain to teenagers that the LGBTQ have the “same civil rights” as heterosexuals because everyone has the right to marry someone of the opposite sex.

By: Mia Bencivenga

The most important thing an aspiring writer can learn is that in order to write, one must have something to write about.

Using this universal rule of the written word, I set off on my weekly journey of finding something interesting to titillate the handful of readers who are kind enough to glance over my work every once and a while.  And by “journeying” I mean rampant usage of google-type search engines, and the frequent stalking of a many celebrity news oriented websites.

But what did I find?

Diddly-squat.

By: Mia Bencivenga

1.) The Kardashian Klan:

For giving me something ridiculous to write about every week.  No writer can be more in debt to the Kardashians and their televised shenanigans than yours truly.  One week, Kim’s in love and she doesn’t care who knows it!  The next, she’s having the fairy tale wedding that she’s always dreamed of, complete with cameras and boom microphones.  Before I even had a chance to send her my wedding gift of a gold and diamond encrusted tissue box container, she files for divorce.  It’s incredible.  Every week, there is some sort of new issue/drama/fight/weight-fluctuation that makes the headline news; that I may conveniently mock for my own amusement.  Thank you, Kardashians, for televising your narcissism.  Without it, myself and so many others would actually have to try and find something of substance to write about.

One of the great things about being back in school is that I am being exposed to all kinds of interesting commentary about gender, the media and the way women are viewed in the world. A video that I watched in one of my classes last week really stuck with me and I couldn’t get beyond the way women were portrayed in the video clips. I am eager to hear how other people view this video and their thoughts on how sexism is still very much a part of our modern culture, how it is acceptable and how it engrains itself into our every day conversation.

By: Mia Bencivenga

Picture this:  You’ve just watched sixteen-year-old heartthrob, Justin Bieber, sing his prepubescent heart out at the staples center in Lost Angeles.  His white boy gangsta style, smooth moves, and lack of facial hair have got your heart beating faster than a hummingbird’s wings.  The fact that he could double for an adult lesbian also turns you on, because clearly, when it comes to picking out potential partners, you have questionable taste.