Two Day Magazine

Dear Natalie,

Valentine’s Day is approaching and all of my friends seem to have boyfriends. I feel like a loser and completely alone. I’m 22 years old and I have only had one boyfriend and he dumped me. Is there something wrong with me? I have a lot of friends, I just got accepted to law school, and I enjoy painting as a hobby. Is there something wrong with me? Something I should be doing? I feel really frustrated that my love life is non-existent. Any tips for how to land a man?

---Single and Hating It

Dear Single and Hating It,

I’m sorry that you are feeling frustrated and lonely. The holiday season always makes people reflect on their lives. In doing so, we often tend to focus on what we don’t have, rather than on what we do have. But let’s try to take a positive look at things.

First of all, you listed some wonderful accomplishments. You have a great group of friends, which shows just how much people like you and enjoy your company. You have just gotten accepted to law school (way to go!) which means that you are ambitious, intelligent and hard working. You also love to paint, suggesting that you are a creative person. These are all wonderful qualities to possess and it is important to recognize and value your achievements.

Of course, I can understand how you want to date. You see everyone around you, and they are all coupled-up, so you start to feel as though you also need a partner. Let me first state, though, that there is nothing wrong with being single. In fact, being single can give you a sense of freedom and independence many people in relationships just don’t experience. You can do what you want, when you want, which can be rather exciting! You can focus on other aspects of your life, like your career and friendship and school, and not feel those pangs of guilt that you are somehow neglecting your lover.

However, I know that sleeping alone isn’t for everyone, so here are some tips on meeting someone to have fun with:

• Go to where the men are. This is a great tip from Dateologist, Tracey Steinberg. You have to position yourself to be in a place where you can meet men. It sounds like simple logic, but it really is all about location!

• Pick up a new hobby that is co-ed. Do something fun that has you mixing with the opposite sex. Volunteer somewhere or join a gym. Find an activity you like in which both men and women are involved so that you can increase your chances of meeting men.

• Sign up for an online dating service. I know some people balk at online dating, but you are a busy 21-century woman with a lot on your plate. Sometimes, you have to put feelers out there in order to see what transpires. If anything, getting out of the house and on a few dates will give you some practice at getting back into the swing of things.

• Focus on the good in your life. Like attracts like. You want to meet someone that is positive, fun and enjoyable to be around. So if you walk around complaining to yourself that there are “no men” or that “life sucks”, don’t expect Mr. Sunshine to walk up to you on the street. Projecting a happy, appreciative outlook on life will attract those types of people to you, increasing your chances of meeting someone who is a lot of fun to be around.

• Network. Going to events in your city, whether it be art shows, fundraisers or charity events is a great way to meet new people and make new connections. Who knows who you may run into? Could end up being a love match!

Good luck and thanks for the question!

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