Two Day Magazine

Dear Natalie,

I recently had a baby and my life has, of course, changed. But my husband still does exactly what he did before we had the baby. He entertains clients at dinner and attends sporting events with friends. It doesn’t really seem fair. I don’t mean to be a whiner, but it would be nice to escape for a night every week with my friends, too. Am I being a jerk or do I have a valid point? How do I get him to see my perspective and help me out more?

---Baby Blues

Dear Baby Blues,

You, my darling, are not being a jerk at all. You are a new mom with loads of responsibility sitting on those shoulders of yours. The last thing you need is to be raising a second child (A.K.A., your hubby). There is no reason at all that you can’t enjoy a night out with your friends, or a lunch out to get your nails done, or a quiet night at the movies alone. You deserve a little down time. You need a little down time, in fact, in order to be a better wife, mother, lover, friend and person.

Moms are so quick to put themselves second and let everyone else’s needs get met but their own. Guess what that will lead to? Major mom burnout. And when you aren’t taking care of yourself, how on earth can you take care of anyone else?

Lay it out for your husband. Let him know that you totally understand that he has work obligations and that he has relationships outside of the home, but that you have been feeling neglected. You need help. Don’t be afraid to reach out. Give him one night a week to be with his friends or with work colleagues, but you get the same. The rest of the time you should be spending together, sharing the workload and responsibilities. In fact, he should want to be there to help you after you gave birth. He should want to step up and be the man that you need.

But you have to tell him how you feel, or don’t expect anything to change.

Good luck and thanks for the question!

***********************************

Email your questions about love, sex, dating and relationships to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) or tweet them to @nataliestweets for a speedy response!