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Is Phone Sex Cheating?

Dear Natalie,

My wife and I have had an unhealthy marriage for quite some time. Last night I did something that I’ve never done before and now I feel guilty about it. While my wife was out, I had phone sex with a woman I met in an online chat room. It was no big deal, we both had fun and my wife didn’t find out, but I feel bad about it. Did I cheat?

---Did That Count

 

Dear Did That Count,

I always say that it’s cheating if you can’t tell the other person about what you did with another person. One of my friends always says it’s cheating if two people are in a room together and someone has an orgasm....but that’s up for discussion! As you can see, it is a very grey area.

It can be hard to be honest about your sexual desires, especially when things aren’t going well at home, and perhaps what you did relieved the pressure valve. For the moment. But what are you going to do in the long term? Was this a one-time thing or is this going to be a crutch to be used when you are feeling down about your relationship?

I don’t think I would tell your wife about the incident if it was an isolated event. It may just cause more issues between the two of you.

Before I get the hate mail sent my way, I am not condoning what you did or suggest that you should continue to lie to your wife. Clearly you have had a breakdown in communication or you wouldn’t be feeling guilty about a little seemingly harmless phone play. But it has created stress and so it probably isn’t a great idea to pick up the phone (in that way!) any time soon.

You need to regroup with your wife and figure out what is happening in your relationship. Are you on the path to divorce or is this just a bump in the road? Is she not as sexual as you and so this is the problem? Whatever the issue, you have to talk it out, so that you can both move forward with your lives (either together or separately) and have fulfilling future relationships!

Good luck and thanks for the question!

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