Two Day Magazine

Dear Natalie,

I have been dating a girl for about a month now and we have had sex a few times. I use a condom every time, but I was wondering if it would be wrong to ask her if she is on the pill. I hate using condoms and would rather not. But is it too soon to ask?

--J.R.

Dear J.R.,

I am a firm believer in using condoms with your partner until you have decided you are both going to be monogamous. Have you had a discussion with her about that? Are you even interested in monogamy? If you both are willing to be monogamous, then the idea of not using a condom makes better sense.

Now, granted, it has only been a month. Even if you are monogamous at this point, using condoms is still a good idea for both protection against pregnancy and STDs.

Ask her if she is on the Pill. If she is, don’t immediately assume she won’t want you to still use condoms. Some women feel better if both partners are using birth control. Or perhaps she doesn’t fully trust the newness of the relationship and wants to make sure you really are committed to the idea of monogamy before she lets you make love without that glove. Give her time. Be patient.

If she isn’t on the Pill, do not expect her to go on the Pill. Some women physically can’t be on it for health reasons. Some women simply don’t like the way it makes them feel. Others don’t want any synthetic drugs in their bodies. Whatever the reason, it is her body and her decision.

Personally, I think it is too soon to stop using condoms. One month is not a long time to know someone, and I would give the relationship time to grow before tackling this issue. Even if she is on the Pill, give it a litle longer so that you can both get comfortable being with one another.

In the meantime, there are brands of condoms out there that feel like you are wearing nothing. There are super-thin brands that may at least feel more comfortable while you are in transition from wearing condoms to not wearing them. Try this first and see how you feel.

Good luck and thanks for the question!

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