Two Day Magazine

Dear Natalie,

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about six months now and we are starting to feel the pressure. It has started to create some tension between the two of us. We both really want a baby and I am worried that it isn’t going to happen. We actually got into a huge fight yesterday because he suggested we “stop trying for a while and just have some fun again.” What does that even mean??? Totally confused. Any thoughts?

---Oh Baby

Dear Oh Baby,

It sounds as though your husband needs a mental break more than anything else. Every month that you are trying and not conceiving is clearly upsetting to the both of you. You seem to want to push through the frustration and keep going, but maybe he is reacting differently to the situation. Emotionally, he may not be expressing to you his fears, frustrations and concerns surrounding the situation. Yes, baby making can be a beautiful experience for two people to enjoy together, but it can also be incredibly stressful and frustrating when things don’t pan out right away.

When he suggests that you “stop trying for a while” I don’t think he means stop having sex! I think he just needs a break from the mental stress and emotional stress of the situation. Taking a little time off from the “head space” of baby making may be just what you both need. Remember, you don’t want to create a wedge between the two of you. Perhaps a few months off of the regimen and just going back to sex as recreation instead of procreation may be what the doctor orders.

There is so much pressure put on people when they let everyone know that they are trying for a baby. Maybe he just needs the focus to be back on the two of you for a little while. Take three months and just enjoy love making for what it is instead of adding pressure to yourselves. Then, when you hop back on the baby train, you will both be in a better place emotionally and more connected, as well.

And don’t be discouraged. Six months is really not that long of a time to try. If you hit the year mark and still nothing has happened, consult with your doctor and see what he or she recommends to increase your chances of conceiving.

Good luck and thanks for the question!

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