Two Day Magazine

Dear Natalie,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years now. Things have been rocky from time to time but I was feeling really happy with our relationship... until recently. I've started to become annoyed with him and it's basically for one reason: I feel like he has become really lazy within our relationship. I understand that we are comfortable with each other (and in a lot of ways I really like that), but certain things are really starting to irk me. He never takes me out on dates anymore. He will if I ask him to, but never suggests it on his own. That really bothers me. Another issue is he has been just lazy with his appearance. He used to work out all the time and never does anymore (and I would never break up with him because of that alone, but it's part of the larger problem). Additionally, he used to always shower right before I came over to his place. Now, it is not at all uncommon for him to be unshowered and just so sloppy looking. What do you think I should do?

---Had Enough

Dear Had Enough,

Sounds as though the honeymoon phase is over and you haven’t even gotten married! MEN TAKE NOTE: Romance never goes out of style, neither does personal hygiene. Put a little effort into your relationship with your lady love and you will get a lot more out of it. Women don’t want to get in bed with men that don’t take care of themselves in the hygiene department. They don’t want to beg to have to be taken out on a date. They want to be wooed. Yes, even after two years, ten years or fifty years...we just want you to acknowledge us and remind us of how special you still think we are.

The reason I say all of this, Had Enough, is because you need a reminder that you aren’t “stuck” in this situation. If a man stopped treating me with thoughtfulness and respect (two things that seem to be lacking in this situation) I would be heading for the door. Life is too short. I understand you have put a lot of time and energy into this relationship, and while I am not suggesting that you throw in the towel just yet, you have to ask yourself what you are willing to give up to be with this man.

Clearly, you have told him that this behavior is a turn-off and yet, nothing has resulted from that. The ball is in your court. People show you who they are....so believe them. This is who he is. I also have to wonder if he is perhaps suffering from mild depression. Just from what you have told me, it sounds as though he has lost his joie de vie. If this is the case, then this isn’t something you can fix for him. He will have to want to take the initiative to seek out help or find a way out of this funk. Perhaps if you give him an ultimatum, it could shock him back into reality and work on his issues.

Then again, dating shouldn’t be this hard. Dating should be fun! Not all the time, of course, but if this is how you are feeling more often then not, it is time to reevaluate this relationship. Is it worth all of this stress? If he is dealing with deeper issues, do you really want to go through this roller coaster again and again? (Because, let’s be honest, this isn’t the first time you have had this issue with him, am I right?) I know that I may sound cold right now, but you have to look at the big picture here. Think of how you want your future to be and do you want this kind of relationship stress weighing on you in the coming months and years ahead. Yes, love is a wonderful thing, but it is an action word. If he can’t put in the effort or the time, then what good is lip-service?

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