Two Day Magazine

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This question comes from Dr. Radio on XM Radio Channel 81 where I was lucky enough to be a guest answering calls alongside Dr. Miriam Greene on Monday, May 14, 2012.

Dear Natalie,

My husband and I have been married for over thirty years. But we have had a sex-less relationship for almost the last ten years. We have almost divorced because I caught him cheating several years ago. He claims he is faithful now, though, but says that he isn’t attracted to me, anymore. I’m in my late-forties and wondering if this is it for me. Do you think I should just stay and deal with it? Who is going to want me, anyway?

--Denise

Dear Natalie,

Is it really possible to have sex without emotion attached to it? I am newly single and heading back into the dating world but am afraid of getting attached too quickly. What are your thoughts?

--Heart on my Sleeve

Dear Natalie,

My boyfriend loves to watch porn. He likes to watch it during sex, especially, which is fine once in a while, but not every night. It’s almost like I’m not good enough or something on my own. I have confronted him about this, and he promises never to do it again, but then (of course) the minute we start to have sex, the computer or television join us. It’s really annoying. What do I do to get him to give it a rest?

--Porn Overload

Dear Natalie,

This is really embarrassing, but I accidentally sexted my (female!) boss when I meant to send the text to my girlfriend yesterday. Both of their names are similar and I must not have been paying attention when I did it. My boss has been avoiding me since and I don’t know if I should talk to her or not about it. I texted her right after I realized it and apologized, but she just responded “K”. She must be thinking I meant to text her when I wasn’t, right? I told my girlfriend what happened and she’s worried I might lose my job now. What should I do? It was seriously a mistake.

--In the Dog House

Usually I answer a specific question from one of the many wonderful readers of twoday magazine. But lately, I have been hearing a lot of similar questions about condom use and dating. AKA: Girls seem more timid than ever to “ask” a man to wear a condom during sex. The young women that I have talked to and heard from are concerned that if they ask a man to wear something, they will not want to, find someone else who won’t ask, and/or become angry. As sad as this is, it seems to be a common issue among high-school and college-aged women. Sounds like the ladies need a pep talk (and guys, you need a reality check...condoms protect you, as well!)

Dear Natalie,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about six months and recently I revealed to him that my last relationship was with a woman. We lived together for about three years and things just didn’t work out. She was the only woman I have ever been with, and I consider myself bisexual. Now, ever since he found out, he has been acting weird. He thinks that I’m going to leave him for a girl, even though I explained to him that I am faithful to him. How do I get him to get over this? What does it matter, anyway?

--In the Past

Dear Natalie,

I just lost my virginity to my new boyfriend. I was a late bloomer, having held onto the V-card until 23. But, now that I have had sex, I LOVE IT. And, because I love it, I want to know what I can do to please my new guy in bed. I worry that my inexperience is showing through and I want him to find me exciting. Any suggestions?

--Virgin No More

Dear Natalie,

My husband cheats on me often. I know about it and I choose to let it go a lot of the time because we have four kids together. The times I have confronted him about it, he tells me that it’s my fault because I don’t make enough time for him and he gets lonely. He also tells me that he loves me, and that these women are “just sex”. We still have sex a few times a week together, but lately I have been feeling really down about the whole thing. I don’t want to be in a marriage where I feel so sad all the time, but we have four little kids (ages 1, 4-year-old twins, and a 7 year old) and I stay home to take care of them. Am I just stuck?

--Sad and Alone

Dear Natalie,

My husband and I are very sexual and enjoy spicing things up in bed. But recently, I cheated (and regretted it!) and now he says that he is having a hard time having sex with me because he can’t get the fact that I lied to him and had a one night stand. We have been together for 12 years and I just want us to move on. This happened in November, and while we are still having sex, it isn’t nearly as often or as exciting. How can I get him to move beyond this so we can go back to having fun?

--Still Being Punished

Dear Natalie,

My girlfriend just found out she is pregnant which really excited me, as we have been together for seven years and have been wanting a baby together for some time. Recently, however, she found out that our baby has some sort of developmental issue and has no chance of surviving. She is about 4 months pregnant. She has scheduled an abortion for this week that her doctor has urged her to undergo, and she is devastated. We are both in our mid-thirties and this was an exciting moment for us. How can I be there for her during this time? I don’t know what to do and all she seems to do lately is cry. I feel terrible. Any thoughts? Whenever I try consoling her or telling her that we will try again she just tells me that I have no idea what she’s going through and to leave her alone.

--Sad Loss

Dear Natalie,

I recently discovered that my new husband cheated on me with a stripper the night of his bachelor’s party back in September. We were married a week later. He went to a strip club with his friends and apparently got laid while he was there. To say I am disgusted is a total understatement. As of now, he is sleeping on our couch and I don’t know what to do. He told me over drinks one night last week, saying he was so sorry and felt so guilty and couldn’t lie to me any longer. I had an idea that something had happened, but didn’t interrogate him about it at the time because I was so obsessed with the wedding. Now I don’t know what to do. He claims it was a one-time thing and feels like a piece of shit for hurting me (yes, we were both crying). But how can I ever trust him again? I contacted a divorce attorney yesterday to weigh my options but I am having trouble deciding what to do. Can you help?

-Betrayed Bride

Dear Natalie,

My husband and I have been married for about two years now. The passion in our relationship used to be really intense, but after two kids, things have simmered down. I have been interested in spicing things up, but he seems pretty content with our routine sex twice a week. But I’m bored. I need something more. How do I tell him that I’m not satisfied sexually without hurting him? I love him and I’m attracted to him. But I need spontaneity in my life!

--Bring the Heat

Dear Natalie,

My wife and I have hit a rough patch in our marriage after 7 years together. I moved out recently and have been staying in an apartment for the last two months. We are still seeing each other and sleeping together and have no plans to divorce, but she and I both think that a break is needed. Well, I recently met a woman that I really hit it off with and we’ve begun a sexual relationship. She knows I’m married and she isn’t looking for anything serious. The question is, should I tell my wife? We never talked about whether or not we were going to see anyone else, just that we needed some space. We are supposed to meet with our therapist on Friday and discuss when I should move back in. Should I keep this to myself?

--In Limbo

Dear Natalie,

This is sort of an embarrassing question, but I need to ask someone about it. I’m dating this guy and we get along great. The sex is great....but his penis is on the small side. It really doesn’t bother me, but he gets incredibly self conscious about it. What can I do or say to make him feel more secure in bed?

--Just Fine With Me

Dear Natalie,

My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about six months now and we are starting to feel the pressure. It has started to create some tension between the two of us. We both really want a baby and I am worried that it isn’t going to happen. We actually got into a huge fight yesterday because he suggested we “stop trying for a while and just have some fun again.” What does that even mean??? Totally confused. Any thoughts?

---Oh Baby