Two Day Magazine

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This question comes from Dr. Radio on XM Radio Channel 81 where I was lucky enough to be a guest answering calls alongside Dr. Miriam Greene on Monday, May 14, 2012.

Dear Natalie,

My husband and I have been married for over thirty years. But we have had a sex-less relationship for almost the last ten years. We have almost divorced because I caught him cheating several years ago. He claims he is faithful now, though, but says that he isn’t attracted to me, anymore. I’m in my late-forties and wondering if this is it for me. Do you think I should just stay and deal with it? Who is going to want me, anyway?

--Denise

Dear Natalie,

My boyfriend loves to watch porn. He likes to watch it during sex, especially, which is fine once in a while, but not every night. It’s almost like I’m not good enough or something on my own. I have confronted him about this, and he promises never to do it again, but then (of course) the minute we start to have sex, the computer or television join us. It’s really annoying. What do I do to get him to give it a rest?

--Porn Overload

Dear Natalie,

My husband cheats on me often. I know about it and I choose to let it go a lot of the time because we have four kids together. The times I have confronted him about it, he tells me that it’s my fault because I don’t make enough time for him and he gets lonely. He also tells me that he loves me, and that these women are “just sex”. We still have sex a few times a week together, but lately I have been feeling really down about the whole thing. I don’t want to be in a marriage where I feel so sad all the time, but we have four little kids (ages 1, 4-year-old twins, and a 7 year old) and I stay home to take care of them. Am I just stuck?

--Sad and Alone

Dear Natalie,

I recently discovered that my new husband cheated on me with a stripper the night of his bachelor’s party back in September. We were married a week later. He went to a strip club with his friends and apparently got laid while he was there. To say I am disgusted is a total understatement. As of now, he is sleeping on our couch and I don’t know what to do. He told me over drinks one night last week, saying he was so sorry and felt so guilty and couldn’t lie to me any longer. I had an idea that something had happened, but didn’t interrogate him about it at the time because I was so obsessed with the wedding. Now I don’t know what to do. He claims it was a one-time thing and feels like a piece of shit for hurting me (yes, we were both crying). But how can I ever trust him again? I contacted a divorce attorney yesterday to weigh my options but I am having trouble deciding what to do. Can you help?

-Betrayed Bride

Dear Natalie,

My boyfriend and I have a great relationship, but there is one problem. His ex. They have a baby together, and their daughter is six years old. His daughter lives with him because his ex is crazy and has a drug problem. But that’s not my issue. My issue is the way his ex treats me. I’m very loving with his daughter and we have a lot of fun together, but his ex is constantly berating me and is (I think) jealous of the fact that his daughter prefers me over him. We have been together for three years and I believe the relationship is heading towards marriage. So what should I do? I can’t marry the guy if his ex is a destructive force in my life, but I also love him and his daughter and don’t want to break it off. But I can’t go on like this, either. She is in my face at least once a week about the situation and it has got to stop. She lost custody two years ago because of her drug problem and she won’t seek help. What do I do? My boyfriend has washed his hands of her, but he also doesn’t “get involved” when she attacks me. Any suggestions?

--Ruining Everything

Dear Natalie,

I have been friends with someone for seven or eight years now. We used to be really tight when we were both single and working in corporate America together. The problem is, she was always a very competitive, very negative person and our personalities often clashed. Recently, within the last two years, I have quit my job at a large bank in the city, got married, and had a baby. My husband makes enough money that I can afford to take a few years off to be at home with our baby. Well, since I have gotten married, she has become really bitter and mean towards me. We still hang out, but I find myself less and less interested in speaking with her. Now, I know you answer a lot of questions about breaking up with a lover, but how do you break up with a friend? I’m over her nastiness.

--Breaking Free

Dear Natalie,

My older sister came out to my parents last year and it was quite a situation. They didn’t speak to her for almost six months after the fact, and even now things are very tense. She’s 22 and I’m 18. Well, I have recently come out to my sister, knowing that she knows what it is like. Being a gay guy growing up in Missouri hasn’t been easy, but at least having my sister’s support has helped me through it. She said she knew I was gay for years, but didn’t want to push me to say anything I wasn’t ready to. I asked her if she thinks I should tell mom and dad. She said NO. After how they treated her, she is scared they will act the same, or worse, with me. The other problem is that my mom is always saying to me, “Well, at least we have one normal kid.” My dad and her make jokes about my sister’s sexuality, and I don’t say anything, even though it really hurts me to hear them making fun of her. It seems as though they hate her for what she did to them. What do I do? I still live at home and don’t want to make my life hell until I can start college and move out. Should I just keep quiet until then?

---Trapped in the Closet

Dear Natalie,

Where are all the good women? I am a 26 year old guy, I have a great job and lots of good friends. But dating sucks. Seriously. I want a relationship and all that seem to be around me are flighty women who can’t commit. I thought women WANTED to be in relationships? The last girl I went out with just graduated college and I thought we had a great time. She never called me back after our date, but she will occasionally text me and flirt with me. What is up with that? Can someone please explain the rules because clearly I assumed women liked dating.

--No Good Women

Dear Natalie,

My boyfriend confessed to me tonight that he likes to dress in women’s clothing every now and then. He says it turns him on and it feels nice against his skin. He said he isn’t gay or anything and didn’t tell me because he is really embarrassed by it. The reason I found out was that I stumbled upon a pair of pantyhose and thought he was cheating. He let me see his collection of women’s lingerie and such. I’m totally weirded out, though. Is this normal? Is he gay and just in the closet? We’ve been together for three years and our sex life has always been HOT...how did he keep this a secret?

--PantyNOse

Dear Natalie,

My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years now. Things have been rocky from time to time but I was feeling really happy with our relationship... until recently. I've started to become annoyed with him and it's basically for one reason: I feel like he has become really lazy within our relationship. I understand that we are comfortable with each other (and in a lot of ways I really like that), but certain things are really starting to irk me. He never takes me out on dates anymore. He will if I ask him to, but never suggests it on his own. That really bothers me. Another issue is he has been just lazy with his appearance. He used to work out all the time and never does anymore (and I would never break up with him because of that alone, but it's part of the larger problem). Additionally, he used to always shower right before I came over to his place. Now, it is not at all uncommon for him to be unshowered and just so sloppy looking. What do you think I should do?

---Had Enough

Dear Natalie,

My friend is a really sweet woman, attractive and easy to be around. She is 25-years-old and literally hasn’t been kissed up until recently. She claims she has focused all of her energy and time into school and work over the years, and didn’t have a burning desire to meet men or to date. Well, all of that changed recently when she actually met a man that she liked. They went out on a few dates and finally, she got that kiss. But it wasn’t good. In fact, the guy remarked to her that he hadn’t realized that literally she had never been kissed. I guess he thought she was exaggerating. Well, this has made her feel incredibly insecure about taking things to the next step with him, physically. She is afraid that since she has never touched a man, let alone had sex with one, that he is going to be incredibly disappointed and lose interest. How can I help her get in touch with her inner sex kitten and start having some fun?

---Kiss and Tell

Dear Natalie,

My husband seriously needs to lose weight. He has been steadily gaining weight since we got married, which was about three years ago. Granted, we are both overweight, but I started a resolution to lose 40 pounds this year and he needs to at least lose 60...which I have told him. How can I motivate him to work out and eat better? I do all the cooking, and lately we have been fighting about the meals I have been making. He tells me that I am just in a “phase” and doesn’t see how serious I am about getting healthy. How can I convince him otherwise?

---Get Skinny

Dear Natalie,

My husband has been suffering from depression, anxiety, nervous breakdowns for a few years now; since before we've met. This past weekend he had anxiety which lead to a nervous breakdown on Monday.

I was out running errands on Monday and received a call from him saying, "I was just there, I picked up some stuff and I'm staying at my parents."

I was completely surprised and shocked. He stated that he had a breakdown, had heart palpitations and wanted to be away from me until he got better. He came Wednesday picked up more stuff and said he was unsure if he'd sign the lease for the coming year since "he didn't even know where he was standing."

He leaves. A couple hours later he calls and says, that he “hopes we can work things out once he gets better, I love you!" I don't call him, I allow him to be.  My opinion is that he needs his space. I get it!  But why leave me out in the cold like that? And please, not signing the lease as if I didn't need a roof over my head?

He called yesterday morning and said he was going to the Dr. for more medication. He missed me and wanted to say hi. I'm completely taken aback from the entire situation. I purchased a one-way ticket to Hawaii to clear my head. Should I still be here waiting for him when he returns? Who walks out on their family like that? What if we'd had children? I can't fathom his selfishness.

I'm hurt, offended by his actions. I'm sure he's hurt and offended that I don't call asking him to come home, or checking up on him periodically; he left, he did this.

Thank You!

-Confused Love

Dear Natalie,

I recently lost my fiance to another woman and since then, I have been on a streak of dating “bad boys.” But one in particular has started to get under my skin. He is a really good looking guy, has a good job, is great in bed, but he is a total jerk. He stands me up half the time, he only wants to meet up for sex, and he clearly has no interest in taking things to the next level. He can be rude, self-centered and obnoxious. I won’t let my friends meet him, but I find myself falling for him. I’m a mess. Any suggestions as to how to get out of this “bad boy” cycle?

---Good Girl Gone Bad

Dear Natalie,

I haven’t had a boyfriend in a while and I am seriously scared of approaching guys. I am so worried of getting rejected. The last two times I have tried asking guys out (that I THOUGHT liked me!) they both flat out rejected me. I’m embarrassed and don’t want to hear any more “no’s” from guys, but I’m lonely. Can you help?

--Just Say YES