Two Day Magazine

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This question comes from Dr. Radio on XM Radio Channel 81 where I was lucky enough to be a guest answering calls alongside Dr. Miriam Greene on Monday, May 14, 2012.

Dear Natalie,

My husband and I have been married for over thirty years. But we have had a sex-less relationship for almost the last ten years. We have almost divorced because I caught him cheating several years ago. He claims he is faithful now, though, but says that he isn’t attracted to me, anymore. I’m in my late-forties and wondering if this is it for me. Do you think I should just stay and deal with it? Who is going to want me, anyway?

--Denise

Dear Natalie,

I am getting married in the fall and my best friend, Shawn, is a gay guy. We’ve been friends for almost six years and we are so incredibly close, I can’t imagine having anyone else as my maid of honor. Well, he loved the idea (although we are changing the position to “man of honor”) but my other bridesmaids are really upset and so is my mom. They think it’s “inappropriate” to have a guy stand up with me when I am getting married. I tried to explain that he is my best friend and what does it matter? My fiance thinks it’s a great idea, and his family isn’t bothered by it. What do you think I should do?

--Inappropriate Bride

Dear Natalie,

Is it really possible to have sex without emotion attached to it? I am newly single and heading back into the dating world but am afraid of getting attached too quickly. What are your thoughts?

--Heart on my Sleeve

Dear Natalie,

My boyfriend loves to watch porn. He likes to watch it during sex, especially, which is fine once in a while, but not every night. It’s almost like I’m not good enough or something on my own. I have confronted him about this, and he promises never to do it again, but then (of course) the minute we start to have sex, the computer or television join us. It’s really annoying. What do I do to get him to give it a rest?

--Porn Overload

Dear Natalie,

Is our long distance relationship doomed? I have been dating someone for about five years and he recently moved back home to take care of his elderly dad. We are now six hours apart (driving distance) and it is really taking its toll on the relationship. I have a great job where I am at and have no desire to move. He isn’t happy with moving, but I think he feels it is necessary right now. We haven’t seen each other in a month and have been trying to work out a schedule but I don’t think it’s going to work. I love him, but how can we possibly make this work, especially when he isn’t planning on returning home anytime soon.

--Doomed

Dear Natalie,
 
Is it okay to send a woman a drink at the bar? I know there seem to be new rules suggesting that women no longer want men hanging around them when they go out, but isn’t the whole point of going to a bar to meet other people? My friends think I shouldn’t buy women drinks at the bar, but I’m not sure. Any thoughts?

--Shaken, Not Stirred

Dear Natalie,

My best girlfriend and I have known each other for over ten years. We have been through everything together and are very much like sisters. It just so happens that I am white and she is African American. I recently started dating a guy that I really like and couldn’t wait to introduce him to her. But, when we started drinking at dinner, he slipped and made a very racist comment right in front of her. He tried to apologize and cover it up by saying that he “didn’t mean her” but that only made the situation worse. Now she is mad at me for not breaking up with him on the spot, but I don’t know what I feel. I’m really disgusted by what he said...but is this enough of a reason to end things?

-Caught in the Middle

Dear Natalie,

This is going to sound like a stupid question, but it is seriously bothering me. I started dating this guy about two months ago and we are exclusive and getting serious about one another, but he hasn’t changed his Facebook status from “single” to “in a relationship”. I know it sounds trivial, but I don’t understand why he just won’t make the switch. It feels weird to me. Any suggestions? Should I bring this up or will I look crazy? I mean, I’m 34 years old...aren’t we a little old for this nonsense?

--Facebook Fiasco

Dear Natalie,

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years and we have talked for a while about getting married. He knew what kind of proposal I was hoping for, what kind of ring, etc. Well, he nailed the ring (it's absolutely beautiful!) but the proposal was less than underwhelming. He took me to my favorite restaurant for dinner and proposed after dessert. That was it. No big surprise or anything. He literally just pulled the ring out after I was done with my dessert and asked if I would marry him. Of course I said yes, but in the back of my mind, I kinda want a do-over. Would it be mean to say something to him? He's so excited that we are finally engaged, and I am too, but just feeling like it could have been a little more of an exciting moment. What do you think? Should I say something?

---Bad Proposal

Dear Natalie,

I’m planning my second wedding at the age of 25. My first wedding was a Vegas wedding that I had and it was kind of an embarrassment. We were only married for 10 months (I was 21, he was 23) and it was a mess. Now I have found a true love and we have been dating for a little over two years. I want a big beautiful ballgown for this wedding, but my mom and sister think that is impractical for a second wedding. I just think they are trying to punish me because they both hated that I got married in Vegas the first time around. What do I do? I really want the dress of my dreams (I didn’t even wear a wedding gown the first time around!) but my mom thinks I should just wear something very simple and plain. She’s paying, so does she get final say?

--Wedding Gown Disaster

Dear Natalie,

This is really embarrassing, but I accidentally sexted my (female!) boss when I meant to send the text to my girlfriend yesterday. Both of their names are similar and I must not have been paying attention when I did it. My boss has been avoiding me since and I don’t know if I should talk to her or not about it. I texted her right after I realized it and apologized, but she just responded “K”. She must be thinking I meant to text her when I wasn’t, right? I told my girlfriend what happened and she’s worried I might lose my job now. What should I do? It was seriously a mistake.

--In the Dog House

Dear Natalie,

My best friend keeps setting me up on these terrible blind dates with guys that I have absolutely no interest in. It's been THREE TIMES NOW and when I asked her politely to stop setting me up, she became really offended and suggested that maybe I was still single because I was too picky. We haven't spoken since this argument (which was a few days ago) and I don't know what to say at this point. She acts like she's some big matchmaker or something. How do I smooth things over, because clearly I hurt her feelings.

--Over It

Usually I answer a specific question from one of the many wonderful readers of twoday magazine. But lately, I have been hearing a lot of similar questions about condom use and dating. AKA: Girls seem more timid than ever to “ask” a man to wear a condom during sex. The young women that I have talked to and heard from are concerned that if they ask a man to wear something, they will not want to, find someone else who won’t ask, and/or become angry. As sad as this is, it seems to be a common issue among high-school and college-aged women. Sounds like the ladies need a pep talk (and guys, you need a reality check...condoms protect you, as well!)

Dear Natalie,

I recently proposed to a great girl who I have been dating for about two years. We have started planning the wedding and while I am glad to be getting married, I can’t help but think about my ex-girlfriend. Recently, she found me on Facebook and we have reconnected. She lives out of state (reason we broke up) and got married, but has been messaging me that she made a mistake and wants to get a divorce so we can have another chance. I don’t know what to do. I thought she was “the one” at the time. Even though we have been broken up for about 5 years, I wonder if I’m making the right decision in getting married. Do you think I should pursue her or let it rest? I just worry I won’t be able to move forward if she’s still on my mind...

--Past Regrets

Dear Natalie,

My husband had a nervous breakdown last year; he left me and we have since separated. I have since moved out of the apartment we shared together. All my stuff is in storage and I haven't talked to him since January. Since then, I've been crashing at friends’ places and at my mom’s; I’ve been traveling ever since, back and forth to different countries, trying to figure out what to do...feeling unsettled...and undecided about my future. Should I continue to travel and not get my own place, or should I settle down, and become more stable? I can't figure this one out? I love traveling but also miss having my own space where I can rest my head every night.

--Restless Lady