Two Day Magazine

Dividing Up the Land

I remember being in college and dating this guy (let’s just call him Josh) and after a few months or so, things just weren’t working out. He was moody and quiet, and our personalities just didn’t mesh. Well, we had a really bad falling out. Let’s just say he was a rebound and once I came to my senses, I wanted out...and fast. Easier said than done. How can you date someone while in college, break up, and manage to avoid them for hopefully the rest of your life when you are both on the same campus? I found out the hard way that you can’t.

I knew where all of his classes were held on campus, and one of them intersected with mine. Hence, I was entering into my ex’s territory. (Or better yet, he was entering into mine.) So, there I was, scanning the campus grounds like a crazed CSI detective, when I saw him coming out of the library. The library! I hadn’t factored that into my “avoid him at all cost by taking this alternative route” map in my head. So, I did the only logical thing possible. I ran and hid behind a tree to avoid seeing him. Yes, you read that correctly. I hid behind a tree.

I remember talking about this with my roommate after the ‘incident’ and instead of laughing at my dramatic and unnecessary actions, she completely understood. In fact, she, too, had hid from her ex at one point or another, just to avoid the awkward eye contact or even worse, the uncomfortable forced conversation.

The reason I bring this little blast from the past up is because last night I was walking through Soho with my friend, and she stopped quickly. She started surveying the streets, her face furrowed with nervous tension. I asked her what was wrong and she said she was on the look out for her ex. We were in “his” old neighborhood and she was getting butterflies in her stomach. But, in this case, she was hoping to run into him, seeing as she looked amazing, hoping to make him miss what he used to have.

We began talking about how nothing really changes with relationships. The same silly drama we created in college still follows us into our adulthood. What could have possibly happened if I would have seen my ex in college or if she would have run into her ex last night? Probably nothing. But, the prospect of revisiting one’s romantic past can conjure up all sorts of emotions, making you momentarily nuts.

My question is, why are we so afraid of revisiting those moments? In a way, perhaps we are unwilling to put our emotional selves back into a situation that made us feel vulnerable. Perhaps we just don’t like the person and want to avoid any and all confrontation with them. After all, not all romances end amicably. Or maybe we get that rush because we do want them to see us, we do want them to miss us (because maybe on some level we still need their validation and approval.)

Whatever the reason, think of the ex’s territory as a good guide as to how far you have evolved from the past and your ex. If you can walk into their territory and not even notice that you happen to be back at their favorite coffee shop or at the laundromat that the two of you always frequented, it’s safe to say that you’ve moved on. But, if you find yourself huddling behind a trash can or a tree for that matter all for the sake of avoiding your ex, then maybe, you have a little ways to go.

Where’s the craziest place that you have ever hid from an ex? Send me your thoughts and post your comment below!