Two Day Magazine

Part One: Women

It comes as a surprise to nobody that men and women are wired differently. Countless books, websites and blogs have been dedicated to helping one sex understand the other. Perhaps the most sought answer after “how do I get the other sex to like me?” is “why do men and women cheat?”

Women and men both cheat, but their reasons for doing so can be very different. This entry will focus on women, the one on men will be coming shortly.

Women are generally profiled into one of two categories:

Chronic cheaters and those who are not. Those who are chronic cheaters (and I believe it is less than 10% of the female population) do so for reasons that could fill an entire book. Since this group is so small, I’m not going to spend any more time on them. If you are in a relationship with a chronic cheater my short term advice would be to accept it or move on.

The rest of the female population falls into the “not considered chronic cheaters category,” yet they can still cheat. Therefore, there are two important things to understand about cheating: yes it can happen to you, and yes there are things you can do to help ensure that it doesn’t.

Women cheat for one general reason that manifests itself in different ways:

People are attracted to someone of an equal rating to his/her self (8’s paired with 8’s, 4’s with 4’s, etc.). Keep in mind, your rating is not a fixed number you are stuck with, it is constantly changing. You might be a 6 when you were 17 but now at 25 you’re a 9. This search for equality is common in both men and women, to put it simply: (This is especially true with women; with men this is a little more complicated) many times they are looking to trade up.

Therefore, “What is she looking for in a guy?” is the single most important question in your relationship.

Unfortunately, getting the answer to this question is more challenging than many think. Guys have a tendency to ask a girl what she wants and then take her answer literally. This will work less than half of the time…if you’re lucky.

I once heard it said that there were three key things to the desires of women (although I would argue it applies to both genders):

What they say they want, what they think they want, and what they respond to. The third one is the only one that matters.

Once in a while a guy will get lucky and the three things will agree, but most of the time she will say she wants one thing (a rich guy who will bow down and do everything for her), thinks she wants something else (a bad boy complete with tattoos and a criminal record), and yet responds to something entirely different (the quiet, confident guy who makes her feel secure, yet keeps her guessing). At the end of the day, guys, it is safe to assume you don’t know her as well as you think you do and it’s never too late to learn more.

Once in an official relationship, many people of both genders will assume their partner is “locked down” and stop trying. As a guy, if you were a 9 when you started dating and because you have her “locked down” and have dropped down to a 5 while she is still a 9, you’ve made the 9 she met in the bar look that much more appealing.

It is important to understand that most women in a good relationship are not going to risk losing everything they have for one night of fun with another guy. However, other guys will definitely try and the first rule is acceptance of that fact. You can’t attach yourself to an attractive girl and expect her not to get hit on hourly; it’s just the way it is.

Most women of value do not find insecure men attractive and nothing looks more unattractive than freaking out every time she wants to have a night out with her friends, or finding out some other guy talked to her. All freaking out usually does is make her feel you don’t trust her and that in turn will deter her from telling you things and that starts a habit of withholding information… you see where this is going.

The other thing a potential rival will have to deal with when trying to prove he’s a step up from you, is time. He not only has to prove to your girl that he’s a significant enough step up to get her to risk everything she has with you, but also have to do it in the amount of time he is exposed to her. If you’re doing your job, it should be almost impossible for a guy to prove he’s a step up from you after one night in a bar.

Your best bet is start really listening to her, not just what she says, but also what she doesn’t say. Pay attention to what she reads, what she watches, what she does with her friends; not just what she says when you ask point blank “what are you looking for?”

The true answer to that question is the most important thing in your relationship; don’t cut corners in finding the answer and your relationship will thrive as long as you want it to. Honesty and mutual respect are key components for keeping her around.

Look for part two on why men stray and what you can do about it.