Two Day Magazine

And Bring Back the Heat

We’ve all been there. The idea of sex can sometimes seem appealing, but when it’s time for lights out, all of the sudden, a million excuses come to mind as to why you just couldn’t possibly have some fun between the sheets. Here are some common excuses used by both men and women:

“I have a headache.”

“Two words: Explosive Diarrhea.”

(No words, just fake, loud snoring to imply that you are already asleep.)

“Didn’t we just do this? Like a week ago?”

“Kids/work/your mother/school/life in general made me too tired. Sorry!”

Do any of these sound familiar? Chances are, your partner has heard one or more of these and other reasons you just couldn’t engage in any fun, frisky behavior or perhaps you have been on the receiving end of such excuses. Here are some reasons as to why you may not feel the sexual energy you want and how you can reclaim your passion.

• Lack of Sleep. It’s true. You really may be exhausted. How can one perform when they just want to go to bed? A lack of sleep can increase cortisol levels which can also lead to a low libido. Catching up on sleep may seem impossible, but you need to be rested in order to function, have a healthy body, quick mind, and active libido. Catch up on those Zzzzzzz’s so that you can get back to fully enjoying life. (Both in and out of bed.)

• Relationship Drama. If you lack communication with one another and feel distant (physically or emotionally) the desire to have a sexual connection will start to wane. Holding anger inside and bottling your frustrations will only increase the stress between you and your lover. The tension will remain palpable until you resolve your issues through open and respectful communication.

• No Time. It’s a legitimate reason. Everyone seems busier than ever. Between work, school, family, friends, and other obligations, it is easy to put your sex life on the back burner. But, if you don’t use it, you lose it. You have to carve out special time to be with that special someone in your life. Remember, at the end of the day, our relationships and the people we care about are most important and we need to nurture those relationships with physical expressions of love.

• Low Self-Esteem. If you don’t feel good about yourself, you certainly aren’t going to enjoy sex and are most likely going to avoid it. It’s important that we take care of ourselves mentally, spiritually and of course, physically. Having a supportive and loving partner is important in the quest for self-acceptance, but knowing your own heart and being kind to yourself is easier said than done. Focusing on what you do like instead of what you don’t like is a good way to shift the emphasis to the positive. Never feel that you can’t reach out and seek counseling to help you deal with inner demons that are holding you back from enjoying your life.

• Hormonal Imbalances or Menopause. Your lack of a sex drive could stem from a tangible place, as well. Since your libido is directly influenced by testosterone levels, a low libido could be caused by low levels of testosterone in both men and women. Menopause causes estrogen levels to drop, causing vaginal tissue to become dry. This can make sex uncomfortable or painful. Talk about discouraging! Menopause also lowers testosterone, which boosts libido in both sexes. Visit or call your doctor for a proper treatment and diagnosis as to why your levels may have become imbalanced and get your health back on track.

Remember, this is your life, your body, your relationship. Whatever reason is stopping you from enjoying the fabulous sex you were meant to have, get to the root of the issue now and start the healing process so that you can get back in the saddle....so to speak.