Two Day Magazine

Reconnect with your childlike courage...

Recently I went to a poetry reading with my mother. She kept asking me if I wanted to read any of my poems. I looked at her like she was crazy. Me read in front of a bunch of people? Um, no thanks. The thought of reading in front people I don't know or trust gave me the nilly willies.

I couldn’t imagine what the people would think of my poems and since it had been years since I had read a poem to a crowd, I didn’t feel prepared. The last time I read in front of anyone I was thirteen, and it was during a poetry reading in Barnes and Noble. I just got up and read. I didn’t care what people thought or if they understood what I wrote. I just wanted to share my passion. Now, almost ten years later, I have a difficult time sharing myself because I don’t have the same little girl courage. I don’t posses the naivety that allowed me to be courageous.

This incident reminded me of a time when I was in a coffee shop. Sitting comfortably, sinking into the couch trying to organize my emotions like I usually do through writing, a beautiful little girl named Rose came up to me and said, “I love writing. I’m writing a story right now called ‘Creepy.’”

I listened to her tell me about a plot of three people living in a big castle where it was dark and scary. She elaborated on how big the castle was, the scenery of the place, and who favorite character: The Monster. The whole time she was telling me this she had a huge smile on her face.

She did not realize that she had interrupted my thoughts; though it did not bother me. I appreciated this little girl having the courage to come up to me, a complete stranger, and tell me about her passion. There is much that I love about that moment, but sharing her passion is my favorite part. It reminds me of when I was too young to do long division and didn’t have a care in the world except for the desires placed upon my heart.

For me, I don’t know when the shift began to take place of caring about the opinions of others. I stopped living my life, not sharing my joys and passions. I started to live very isolated, where people don’t get to see all of me. A life where I get to know others, but others don’t get to know me. Essentially, I created a bubble only big enough for myself.

While I contemplate this I begin to wonder if it’s possible to get back to a childlike quality that enables me to live my life that involves bringing people into my world of passions and joys, rather than shutting them out. Over time, I believe many people get scared of what it would look like to others to openly express themselves. We get hurt along the line in life, causing us to feel shut down, dejected, and unable to bring people in closer. Then, we have all these wonderful joys brewing inside with no one to share with.

It started to dawn on me that as the years have passed, and the less I’ve shared my passion of writing with people, the less I have written. Perhaps my heart thought, “Well, you’re not really doing anything but keeping these words to yourself, so you might as well just not write at all.”

And while I write a weekly column for twodaymag, the vulnerability I feel when I share a poem is quite different. Whenever I take the time to sit down and write a poem, there is a part of me left on the pages of the paper. So when I share a poem, I feel as though I am giving myself to others. And that whole vulnerability thing? Well, that makes the sharing process even more difficult.

When the poetry reading last week began to come to an end, I kept going back and forth as to whether or not I would read. I had brought a poem with me just in case I got the courage. I didn’t, though. I realize the longer I wait to share myself, the longer I’ll be alone. There is still a little girl in me that has courage and also has a story to tell in the hopes of being closer to the people who surround me in this world.

And so, it is time to be brave.

WILLING TO LOSE

Love is supposed
To be selfless
A consuming action
One that surpasses
Our own wants and desires

It’s not that we
Lose ourselves in love
It’s that we are willing to
We give it the opportunity
To take control

Love knows no boundaries
It takes risks
And it opens our eyes
To see possibilities
Beyond our own appetite

With true love
A person can begin
To know the depth
Of their own soul
Because loving takes courage

Love is not easy
It doesn’t fall into our laps
It doesn’t put on a show
Or often make itself
Obvious

Because love is subtle
Love is in the little crevices
That we often overlook
Because we want it here and now
But, Love takes time

People grow into love
They don’t fall into it
That’s why we move
From one person to the next
Because we think love isn’t a choice

But, Love is the ultimate choice

It’s the choice we make
When we look someone
In the eye and say
I take you for who you are
Not just bits and pieces

It’s the choice we make
When we expose ourselves
For how we are assembled
And don’t protect our hearts
From rejection

For Love is bold

It’s not that love never hurts
It stings plenty
But love sees beyond the wounds
And finds a way to mend

For Love believes in healing

It takes the tears
And gives those tears a voice
Through any means required
Because when love is silent
It becomes powerless

Love fears loss

It chases after
The hearts of those
It longs to love
And mourns those
It does not reach

For this is how
I’ve come to define love
And it’s through this that
I have accepted

That starting to realize
What you were to me
Makes me see love
So differently

For Love is humble
And eager to learn
Just what it is
To really love

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twoday magazine wants to know: When was the last time you felt as though your inner child guided your decisions and you pulled from that courage? Facebook us your thoughts!

We also are extending an invitation to anyone who wants to be brave and submit their own poetry! Email your poetry submissions to .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address) and look for our poetry corner in the future...

Follow Anya Alvarez on Twitter @anyaalvarez